My life has been a bustle of  experience, pain, joy and hope. 

In the middle of births, deployments, family heartache, debt, pain and busyness, hope has planted roots along the way. Hope is what has grounded me through all of the darkness, despair and joy in between. Hope is always with me.

Over the years I have wanted to hold on to people, places, things, and ideologies. If I could be nicer, skinnier, prettier, smarter, or more popular I would never be lonely. What if I had more things, a fabulous job, perfect children and a perfect marriage, then I would find happiness. If I was more outgoing, more eloquent and more engaging, then people wouldn’t dismiss me. Could I even put all of these things together? I could be a bundle of perfectionism that would be pleasing to all and I would never feel out of touch again.

If only it was that simple. Life isn’t simple and I don’t think it has ever meant to be since simplicity was broken in the garden so long ago.

Reflection causes me to look back on what held me up in the darkest of nights in midnight feedings through depression. I am propelled to ponder over failed tests and what kept me going despite my despaired brow and thoughts. I think on what brought me through disputes, strife, and brokenness. What has gotten me through this sinner’s life of mine and kept me going, striving hard for family, community, and the Lord?

Hope has always been with me. I often didn’t realize it. Often fleeting, I didn’t think that was what came knocking at my door late nights or early mornings. Hope seemed only for the happy people and not for the down trodden.

But the Lord, He is good and knew just the right time to reveal certain truths to me. He knew when the perfect time to wake me up from the hopelessness that I allowed to run my life. His timing is always perfect and all praises belong to Him.

Isaiah 41:10 ESV

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

That day I opened my eyes to see the truth, my life opened to something that caused me to soar. My life no longer felt meaningless. I no longer just went through the motions. Something grabbed on to me and it caused me to move.

Hebrews 6:19 ESV

We have this as a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul, a hope that enters into the inner place behind the curtain

As I travel through this life, I can now feel that I am grounded in faith. Despite where my feet land, my soul and my heart keep steadfast with Him. The Lord remains close at hand and makes clear assurance of His will.

Will there be lonely times? Most definitely. Will there be strife? We are humans. Will there be times of doubt, pain or misunderstanding? Until the Lord returns or we enter Heaven, we are in a sinful world. It and those who live in it have fallen short since we all fell out of Eden.

Can we have hope through it all? Yes. The Lord gives us hope for a future, for peace, for security and for eternity. Trust in Him. He is always faithful.