Struggling with clinical depression, general anxiety and chronic pain for years has often left me begging the question: why?
After a very long look in the internal mirror, I found that I wasn’t moving in the direction of the Lord’s will. Through my self-pitying attitude, I was struggling to remain afloat.
I have made a conscious effort in not talking about ailments for years. My children and husband have been aware, but most still don’t know how much I still struggle. My pity-party has been internal all this time, but this doesn’t make my plight any better.
I had hurt so bad for many years. I cannot even begin to tell you the darkness I encountered in the past. What made it worse is that I kept it under lock and key. Privacy was my motto. Even the little I did speak of it did no justice to my black hole that held me in. I am past the worst of it, but these things tend to hang around like a thorn in the side.
When I read Paul’s words about how we are sometimes given a thorn in order humble ourselves I cried out, “That’s me! I have been humbled, now what?”
In the wake of tragedy, I shrug my problems off and embrace the prayer for healing that so many others need more than I do.
There are mothers with empty arms this night and leaders needing more guidance than I do. My hurts are not less, but their hurts are lime-lighted and need comfort more than my own right now.
I have found myself in the past year saying in my head, “How dare you complain about this or that pain when so many live in much worse situations than you.” As much as this is true, a loving God would not condemn me nor guilt me into thinking such things. Only lies from the darkness can perpetrate such things.
But despite my ramblings, I do want to focus on why our hurts are sometimes so great.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4 ESV
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.
We can’t answer the reason as to why bad things happen other than we live in a fallen world. We can fight through it all and try our best to do good, but I am afraid things won’t make it to perfection until we get to Heaven. Doing our best to glorify God in all things and walk in a way that reflects His love is what we must focus on. Look to His love despite sin and death. If we can’t hold on to truth, what is there left to do?
4 thoughts on “Struggling in the Why”
Maryann I am so thankful you began to allow yourself to be comforted and know your pain is valid. I pray your heart is at peace. Blessings, Julie
Thank you, Julie.
Good thoughts and scriptures! So important, and such a tricky topic for a lot of people. Well done.
So true, thanks for sharing