I grew up singing a sweet hymn, humming a tune that preached surrender in order to bring freedom.

The words vowed to forever love and trust.  In unison, our church family sang to give themselves over to His power.

As I grew older, I knew who He was. I had the stories of the baptism in the Jordan River and the casting of demons into swine memorized.  Standing below the cross occasionally in the church, I would look up at the hefty statue with scars in the His hands. I tried to imagine the pain. I believed that it was for me. I believed the truth of it. I didn’t surrender myself to it.

I fell into bondage. Chains tightened around my aching heart as hurts, regrets, and anguish took hold. He didn’t seem near, and I didn’t care. I wanted to break free on my own accord, by my own strength. I failed time and time again. My bondage grew tighter the further I walked down the thorn filled path that only led into darkness.

I would still find church goers singing about breaking chains, singing the hymns about following Him. I would pray for peace and abundance.  As ropes tightened, I still held out for self-rescue.

Mary Magdalene. I would often think of this woman in a negative fashion.

I associated the negative thoughts from the stories I heard growing up. Disillusioned opinions on how she got to a place of high standing and wealth brought opinions flying from many directions. The ultimate truth is this: Mary was held in bondage by demons, bringing her down, tormenting her, and portraying a lie about her character.

Scripture doesn’t introduced us to her as a woman of suspicious character or someone who is unworthy of The Lord’s presence. We are introduced to  a healed woman, someone who was broken out of bondage.

She was healed, and later became a disciple of Jesus.  Mary Magdalene even received an amazing gift. She was the first one to whom The Lord appeared upon His resurrection.

Jesus said to her, “Woman, why are you weeping? Whom are you seeking?” Supposing him to be the gardener, she said to him, “Sir, if you have carried him away, tell me where you have laid him, and I will take him away.”  Jesus said to her, “Mary.” She turned and said to him in Aramaic,“Rabboni!” (which means Teacher).  Jesus said to her, “Do not cling to me, for I have not yet ascended to the Father; but go to my brothers and say to them, ‘I am ascending to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God.’”  Mary Magdalene went and announced to the disciples, “I have seen the Lord”—and that he had said these things to her.

Praise the Lord! If a woman is blessed in this immensity, I could have hope in the hymn of old. I would not have to worry about surrendering to myself on my terms. I could surrender to truth and receive a healing like no other. I could be the woman at the well, the woman rescued at Jericho, the woman washing the Lord’s feet with treasured perfumes, and I could be the woman at the tomb, a disciple.

The sweet, somewhat self-meaningless hymn has taken on a new life inside of my new life. I have surrendered and I continue to do so every day. I surrender all of myself to the Lord’s will and now I don’t cry out in anguish but for Him to use me.

Written in 1896 by Judson W. Van De Venter, All To Jesus I Surrender is still a worthy hymn, a worship song to be sung to our Lord Jesus Christ.

All to Jesus I surrender,
All to him I freely give;
I will ever love and trust him,
In his presence daily live.

Refrain:
I surrender all,
I surrender all,
All to thee, my blessed Savior,
I surrender all.

All to Jesus I surrender,
Humbly at his feet I bow,
Worldly pleasures all forsaken,
Take me, Jesus, take me now.
(Refrain)

All to Jesus I surrender;
Make me, Savior, wholly thine;
Let me feel the Holy Spirit,
Truly know that thou art mine.
(Refrain)

All to Jesus I surrender,
Lord, I give myself to thee,
Fill me with thy love and power,
Let thy blessing fall on me.
(Refrain)

All to Jesus I surrender;
Now I feel the sacred flame.
Oh, the joy of full salvation!
Glory, glory, to his name!