A handful of years ago I was looking for restoration.

I needed to restore my being from illness and pain, my soul from hurt and troubles, my mind from sadness and anxiety and my heart from fear.

As I looked to take on these elements of life on my own, my hands were just too full and my spirit depleted. Restoration was something that I just accepted as foreign and unattainable. I would remain broken until my death-bed.

The healing of all things broken started to take form when I allowed myself to realize that Jesus held me tighter than I held on to Him. From my frazzled state, I gave up on the thought of peace and joy and told Him that I was just done.

“Take everything, Lord, I want it no more. I am done, do as you please,” I cried out.

Over time, the Lord led me to a verse that told me what He was working on. His promises never fail and His word always run true.

And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.

Ezekiel 36:26 ESV

Jesus led me to die to myself, my idols of poor attitude, and was creating something new.

I never realized that the refining process could ever take place inside of me. My selfish ways leaned towards self-reliance and poor processes. Assuming the Lord just swept me to the side, I never grasped on to the truth of His great love. He lavished on me while stoking the fires that brought me up out of my pity and pain. My assumptions that He gave up on me was really telling me that I was the one who was giving up through lies.

After the lies were fought off, and the Word became an active part of life, my entire world changed.

I have faced doubts, frustrations, and trials, but I no longer find myself shaking my fist at God and playing a pitiful song in the back on my mind. I accept that we must face all sorts of life events and situations in order to grow and be a witness.

The Lord is constantly working in us and through us. We can bring our testimonies along and show the world around us that even though we represent a restoring and loving God, we are sinners who fall short of His glory. We can use the tools He has given us through our walk to create a living testimony of faith and love.