A mother sat in the darkness.
Tears streamed down as they washed away doubts. Her hands reached out for something that she was not sure could be tangible.
She was exhausted, but in the deepest part of night, she found hope as she realized the immensity of the love that poured down upon her.
Through her years of struggling with family matters, high school chaos, college angst, young married life, and harried motherhood, she was sent spinning out of control for some time. Her fear of failure, rejection and silence left her reeling for a life boat in a sea full of sunk vessels. Love didn’t seem to be where she searched for it.
As she sat in the darkness, she shook her head in the pit of grief and asked the Lord to just end it or show up to fix it. She wanted the sadness to end. The mourning for a life unlived needed to be over.
As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him. Psalm 103:13 ESV
Realizing that it needed to be that she feared her Father in Heaven more than the world around her, it seemed as if it was joy she was after and not all the goodies of a deserved life that she felt were fleeing from her grasp. The anxiety and depression weren’t to be the anchors that she held on to anymore. Strongholds needed to vanish and fear needed to lift.
The Lord nudged her that dreary night. She felt Him close by as she hoped to take her final breathe and be done with a pitiful existence. He told her that she was loved and cherished, a work in progress made special by her loving Father.
The Lord brought something new, a love that was missing all the previous moments became clear. She knew that a lot of work was ahead of her, maybe years of recovery and self-care needed to be worked through. But love, it shone through and was grasped as the new anchor. The loved vanished the fear.