What was on my shelf… My shelf moved; and then moved again, and now is replanted on the floor, in a bin, on a dresser, and in a box or two. We sold our house and moved cross country. New home, same life, same struggles, but a new perspective.
In my swim upstream against the rapids last year, I was challenged to keep my mind learning as I processed through mental chaos, physical exhaustion, and the unknown. It was suggested that I pick up a book or two on relationships and personality disorders as two different topics. I ended up diving into so many things that I have seen something much bigger, much deeper, and has led me to curiosity about other topics.
I took the odd way around to the challenge about relationships and read about death cleaning. Yes, death cleaning, ridding the home of unnecessary things well before your passing. Make room to enjoy your end of earthly days. Make room for memories with loved ones instead of masses of clutter for them to bitterly sort and toss away when you die. The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning.
After enjoying thoughts on the Scandinavian lifestyle, Hygge became of interest, and the Christian twist on it even more so. Holy Hygge became my drive, my dream, my comfy socks, and the only cozy dream I had about a possible chilly winter ahead. It became a warm hug when I felt depleted and misunderstood. It was a calling that drove me further into thoughts on death cleaning… I donated half my wardrobe, many books, and so many coffee mugs while preparing for this move ahead.
Holy Hygge, a comfortable thought through a difficult book on relationships, hard, rocky, angsty, misguided, hurting relationships. I read it, took notes, learned so much, and moved on. The model used in the book Hold Me Tight is used by many marriage counselors and therapists. It is used for small problems, and for relationships that are barely hanging on. We learn how to help our partners process changes and apply them to our own experiences. This book is a tool all married couples should have, even if they never encounter trials portrayed in its pages.
And before I took my deep dive into the hard stuff, a title caught my eye, Top Five Regrets of the Dying… Made me wonder what my grandma regretted. Some things like lost love, never taking a leap of faith, never admitting wrongdoing, and never making amends were the truly important things. If you could get past the annoying side stories about the author, learning about the patient’s lives and regrets made for a thoughtful moment to reflect on what we should never regret.
Deep dive. Depression is a funny thing. For me, I hide it. People think I am fine. People in my own home think I am fine They think I am just annoying or flustered over little things, even hyper at times. This is because hiding darkness, clouded thoughts, and physical pain makes you feel a bit crazy at times. You lose trust and focus and your only confidant is the Lord and air around you.
Maybe books on the topics of depression, or the craziness around you will be your friends and help you through. What they did was open my mind, and make me mad, and now I stand guarded all the more. Depression: Looking Up From the Darkness, Suffering and the Heart of God: How Trauma Destroys and Christ Restores, How God Changes Your Brain: Breakthrough Findings from a Leading Neuroscientist, The First Will Be Last: A Biblical Perspective On Narcissism, Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care about Has Borderline Personality Disorder, The Toxic Parents Survival Guide: Recognizing, Understanding, and Freeing Yourself from These Difficult Relationships, Bad Therapy: Why the Kids Aren’t Growing Up, The Highly Sensitive Person’s Guide to Dealing with Toxic People: How to Reclaim Your Power from Narcissists and Other Manipulators, and One Nation Under Therapy: How the Helping Culture Is Eroding Self-Reliance.
These books aren’t a jab at any particular person in my life, nor am I saying that I have some extreme personality disorder despite a therapist’s recommendation to look at one or two of these. But when a shadow follows you, words stab you, and your mind questions you, it’s time to learn more deeply or learn something new.
Some of these books angered me and I do not agree with them. Being a true Christian does not mean that you will never be depressed or struggle with anxiety. You can’t always pray your way out of it nor ever give penance for it.
The Lord is near to the brokenhearted
and saves the crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18He heals the brokenhearted
and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3
Some of these books I highly agree with and are quite shocking in how you see them play out in front of your face.
The rest of my traveling shelf was for entertainment and a bit of curiosity. The Girl Behind the Red Rope and Play Dead were just weekend reads to help me break from reality when I could do such a thing. There were a handful of C.S. Lewis books in there when I thought I wanted to read the Narnia series. Counting the Cost by Jill Duggar was eye-opening and sad to the failure of a Christian family as they fell into a cult that the world’s stage was blinded to. From Here to Eternity: Traveling the World to Find the Good Death was part of our Geography curriculum, believe it or not. We learned about the not-so-common burial practices of other countries. My children actually enjoyed me reading this book aloud.
Finally, as we prepared for a new election, I wanted to learn about the now-new Vice President JD Vance, Hillbilly Elegy: A Memoir of a Family and Culture in Crisis. Like him or not, we should be encouraged to see that no matter where we start, there is hope to make our way in education, career, and an overall difference in society.
Never last, never least, but always first, read the Bible. Every day, or at least most, even on my darkest of days, His Word is in my lap. It is a light, a guide, and the truth.
What is on my shelf this year? Right now it’s a strange duo: Adult Survivors of Toxic Family Members: Tools to Maintain Boundaries, Deal with Criticism, and Heal from Shame After Ties Have Been Cut and The Third Gilmore Girl. Boundaries and Stars Hallow, can’t beat that combination.
What’s on your shelf?
